Indie rock :: The NBA as Peanut butter :: Chocolate

In his latest column Bill Simmons wrote the following: "When you watch Miami, it's like watching a White Stripes concert -- tons of talent, great music, but still just a little bit gimmicky because it's only two people."

First off: fuck you. The White Stripes are not a gimmick and will go down as one of the best bands of the 2000s and are certainly seminal for almost everyone my age. Second of all: fuck you for not going further.

If we are to believe the Heat are the White Stripes (which is wrong anyway, because see one Bosh, Chris), then who are the Lakers? Celtics? Thunder? Hornets?

LA Lakers = Animal Collective

Simply the best. Anyone who argues otherwise is a fool. They both have ruled the 2000s and remain stronger than ever, often with different iterations as the years wore on.

For reference:
Kobe = Panda Bear - Unquestioned leader/most talented. Capable of going solo to great success, but achieving true transcendence as a part of something greater.
Artest = Geologist - Willing to do the dirty work. The eccentric.
Pau = Avery Tare - Is the actual alpha while ceding the spotlight to Kobe/Panda Bear.
Odom = Deakin - Unrealiable, but when he's on, they go to another level.

Boston Celtics = New Pornographers

While individual members from both found success apart, together they embody the term superteam/supergroup. Able to supplant egos and personalities for the greater good. Rondo is obviously Neko Case, while KG is Dan Bejar, and Pierce is A.C. Newman.

OKC Thunder = Sleigh Bells

Led by/composed of two uber-talented stars (KD as vocalist Alexis Krauss and Westbrook as everything else-ist Derek Miller), also may be a victim of too much hype. Frenetic, up-tempo, and fun to watch. Still much to prove.

Utah Jazz = Vampire Weekend

Safe, white, rooted in traditions that came before them, and sneaky great. Both have very annoying fans.

New Orleans Hornets = Kanye West

A sublime talent supported by a revolving door of guests. Both West and Paul should be considered all-time greats by those who don't and both still have more bullet points to add to the resume.

San Antonio Spurs = Spoon

Sustained, subtle greatness. Every year it seems they remind everyone how rock-soild they are, only to fade in the background amidst our lust for the new. Eventually we will look back and realize how defining they were.

Miami Heat = Arcade Fire

Each have two all-timers (Funeral as Lebron, Neon Bible as Wade) and one question mark (Bosh and Suburbs), along with not much else. When they are on, there is absolutely no one better. Not nearly as deep as most contemporaries and historically, may be destined to fall short.

Threefor

I am slightly obsessed with sequencing when it comes to albums. I think (foolishly, probably) which songs are first, fifth, last, etc. is very important. It's probably because I am neurotic.

I twittered that Wolf Parade's epic three-way of "Shine A Light", "Dear Sons and Daughters..." and "I'll Believe in Anything" is the best three songs in a row of the past *span of time*. That is what spawned this list.

The one rule: the three-span has to surpass the overall goodness of the album. I don't care if *album X* has ten great songs and you pick three in a row. In the Wolf Parade example, I believe those three songs destroy the rest of the (fucking great) album.

That's it. In most albums you'll find great songs are rarely three in a row. Smart artists will spread them out, with average to below-average songs in between. It's the smart move. So when there are three in a row, giving my skipping thumb a much needed rest, it's great.

Here are some I've found in my iTunes.

Blood Brothers - Young Machetes - "Set Fire to the Face on Fire", "We Ride Skeletal Lightning" and "Laser Life"

I've been listening to these crazy bastards a lot lately (for some reason, incoherent screaming and squealing guitars makes for awesome basketball music) and found out the three openers off their 2006 album are 500% better than the rest of the album. Luckily for them, they rode that momentum wave to create a solid album. Still, nothing beats those three.


Fuck, I miss music videos

Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago - "The Wolves (Act I and II)", "Blindsided" and "Creature Fear"

On the complete opposite end of the sonic spectrum from the Blood Bros., Bon Iver's heartbreaking '07 album is full of wonderful, slow-building folk songs. And while only nine tracks, he constructed the album like a baseball lineup, with the 4-5-6 hitters (of course, stand out "Skinny Love" is third. I am pretty sure Mr. Iver is a baseball fan) being the big boppers. Well done sir.

Fucked Up - Hidden World - "Crusades," David Comes to Life" and "Invisible Leader"

If you like hard rock/punk/hardcore/anything with guitars and yelling go out and buy/steal/burn/torrent this album. It's one of the best punk albums of the past five years. It's so good, it actually has two spans of three spectacular songs. Here -- again, the first three songs -- Fucked Up flex their "punk with brains" muscles. "Crusades" is a seven-minute anthem that people probably would have bashed each other's skulls in to in 1987. And "Invisible Leader" has some of the most insane and awesome lyrics I've heard in any song: Rip the flesh with the gnashing teeth / Search the insides of the dying beast / From the book of Enoch / To the Bible codes / We'll spend our final days still looking for that gold.

What?!?!


Not for the audio, as much for the 300+ pound bear yelling

Titus Andronicus - The Airing of Grievances - "Upon Viewing...", "Titus Andronicus" and "No Future"

Similar to Fucked Up, I have no idea what this band is talking about most of the time. There's some Camus in there (like actual excerpts from The Stranger). There's some Seinfeld references. Whatever. One thing I do know is they sure know how to construct a rock song. The 5-6-7 on this nine-tracker are the best, with the self-titled anthem sandwiched between two sprawling, weird-yet-great songs. They may scream pretension, but damn if I care when the songs are this good.


Again, I really miss actual MTV

Jay Reatard - Blood Visions - "Oh It's Such a Shame," "Not A Substitute" and "Nightmares"

It just wouldn't be right of me to not include the man I am listening to on constant rotation in this list. I happen to think Blood Visions is a fantastic album. But if I were to sell some on Jay, it would be, without a doubt, these three. Clocking in at just over five minute total, these three tracks embody everything I (and every American music fan should) love about Jay Reatard. Fury. Cleverness. Truth. Seriously, I want him to be mainstream popular. And I am not just being an indie asshole (even though that's what one would say).


Just spend 20 minutes with the man and get a good cross-section of his tunes. Oh, and he's a genius.

The 8 ballers you play at the rec

Whether you're in an intermural league at college, play every weekend with some buddies or head down to the park to take on strangers, playing pick-up basketball is the highest form of sports competition most of us will see.

And no matter how many times you play, you will always see these players, the eights rec ballers.

The Stiff

At first, the Stiff seems like a valuable asset because he's got size, a hot commodity in rec ball. But within a few minutes of play, the Stiff earns his moniker. He's uncoordinated, can't jump, doesn't run the floor well and isn't even very good at rebounding. He also has no post moves to speak of and can't play defense. He most likely plays for his high school or college team only because he's tall.

Signature move: A laser beam hook shot off the front rim.

The General

Not lacking in personal problems, the General sees rec ball as a chance to grab life by the balls and never let go. The General takes it upon himself to play coach in a game where there are no plays, defense is lackadaisical, and the most complex offense is pick-and-roll. Still, the General feels the need to yell "shooter!" anytime an opponent is open for a three, "board" in an obvious rebound situation and get on you for not switching on D. He's one of the more annoying teammates as his primary skill is talking loudly.

Signature move: Holding the ball at the point while gesturing teammates to move.

The Hustler

The Hustler knows rec ball is about one thing: running. If you run more than the other guy, you'll probably get easy buckets. The Hustler may not be very skilled, but he sets picks, moves without the ball and runs on fast breaks. Making up more than 50% of most rec ballers, they are a good teammate to have.

Signature move: Running off multiple screens for an open jumper.

The Veteran

While rec ball is a young man's game, The Veteran plays to recapture a sliver of youthful glory while staving of the effects of aging just a little longer. He's probably a former high school/college star, with memories of past game-winners faded grey with time. Clearly over 50, the Veteran has some skills and is not at all useless. From a propensity to pass the ball, to beautiful old school shooting form, to knee pads and a slow gait, the Veteran can be the glue that hold a good rec squad together.

Signature move: A 15-foot set jump shot with both feet touching.

The Wannabe

The Wannabe has seen far too many And-1 tapes for his own good. He's realized long ago that he cannot drive, can't shoot very well and isn't athletic. So he's practiced dribbling and three point shooting and isn't afraid to show off either. He'll jack up NBA-distance threes, even when you're just playing ones and is an awful teammate due to his illusions of grandeur.

Signature move: A series of fancy dribbling followed by a turnover at the three point line.

The Stud

The rarest of rec ballers, the Stud is far better than anyone else on the court and he knows it. He starts for his high school/college team and probably shouldn't be playing pick-up games at 2 on a Saturday, but he is. They can come in the form a highly skilled shooter, dominant center or even shot-blocking defender. They are so much faster, stronger and better than you, it's like you're not even playing the same game.

Signature move: A reverse layup past two defenders, created off a crossover.

The Blackhole

A variation on the Wannabe, the Blackhole actually has some hoops skill, but not nearly as much as he likes to think. Rec ball has become the Blackhole's stage, a vehicle for him to make himself feel better about his life. He will jack up threes, scream for the ball, yell at teammates for no reason and generally take shit way too seriously. If you pass him the ball, get ready to box out, because it's going up.

Signature move: A three with a hand in face, followed by sour looks at teammates for not getting the rebound.

The Godsend

There are some rec ballers who realize what rec basketball is about -- passing, moving and having a good time. The Godsend will hustle after loose balls, set picks, pass first, run the break, make open shots, gives you the heads up on picks, double teams at the perfect time and is always ready with a high five after good plays. They may not be the best, but they are the most fun to play with.

Signature move: A perfect pass off a drive that leads to an easy lay-in for someone else.

Now go forth and ball. And don't be a Blackhole.