Showing posts with label movie review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movie review. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Not dead yet

[I refuse to let this blog die. Not on my watch. Possible spoilers, definite formatting laziness ahead]

As far as pop culture is concerned, I think I owe the horror genre a lot of credit in sculpting my personality. I have a dark sense of humor, the seeds of which were cultivated by Freddy Kreuger one-liners. I find violence and gore more entertaining than disgusting, in no small part due to Evil Dead’s Ash and the elaborate kills of one Jason Vorhees. My teenage brain was fostered on games like Doom and Halo – blessed amalgamations of the horror, sci-fi, and action genres.

Thus, it’s broken my heart that there has been this dearth of quality horror films in the mainstream over the last decade or so. I am young enough to have no moment I can point to when I was actually frightened seeing a film in theatres. I’ve had to traverse the world for films like Audition, Man Bites Dog, and Oldboy to find my thrills. In US theatres, The Descent and (don’t laugh) Cabin Fever were probably the closest I’ve come to thinking “damn, that was scary.”

That streak has now ended. It’s unbelievable that if you are reading this you have not at least heard of Paranormal Activity. The hype surrounding it has reached Blair Witchian (or, for a non-genre comparison, Snakes on a Planeian) proportions, becoming drive-a-few-hours appointment viewing for anyone with even the slightest bit of pop culture curiosity.

If you are the one among your group of friends who has no idea what I am talking about, the set-up is simple. Guy sets up camera in bedroom to catch what his girlfriend claims is a haunting. Activities of the paranormal variety ensue. That’s it. Just like Blair Witch’s “people run around in woods, horror ensues” tagline, there isn’t a whole lot of complication here. But it’s this “it could happen to you” feeling that makes both films effective.

And is Activity ever effective. As the day/night cycle continues (camera timestamp and all), the audience’s feeling of dread grows. What starts off as doors creaking and objects moving inexplicably, turns into disturbing sleepwalking and, later, let’s call them “physical actions.” By the sixth or seventh night you are really on edge, expecting anything and everything, or possibly nothing. By the last clip of footage you’re really just ready for it to be over, unable to handle much more escalation.

It’s really this slow build that makes Activity shine. Much like Audition (and really, all good horror), it lulls you to sleep somewhat, leaving you to question whether anything will ever happen. But you know it will. Just when and what becomes the tension.

The film is far from perfect though. There are shifts in tone that take away from the terror on screen. Boyfriend Micah jokes far too much (his lines, far too clever to be unscripted), eliciting too many laughs from the audience. The very end of the film also falls into one of the worst trappings of the real-but-not-real horror films – the “they were never found” cop-out. By now most people know Activity is the work of some very enterprising filmmakers, not some unearthed documentary footage of a real haunting, so save the Unsolved Mysteries ending. No one’s buying.

But really, one cannot put a price on what Activity delivers on – genuine scares. I would label what happens more disturbing, unsettling, tense than terrifying, but for a modern horror movie, one cannot ask for much more.

I am not going to tell you to believe the hype. I am telling you to discard it. Forget the “scariest movie ever” or “the new Exorcist” talk. Just know that if you see Paranormal Activity you will not forget it. You will talk about it with those you saw it with. You will be compelled to pick the box up when it comes out on DVD, just to see what the film is like in your darkened apartment, as opposed to a crowded theatre.

And yes, there are a handful of moments you will be genuinely scared. You may even jump once or twice. And you will definitely get goose bumps with some regularity. Yes, Paranormal Activity has reached this jaded, desensitized horror fan’s heart.

I can’t imagine what it was like for normal people.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Shitty Movie Review of the Week: Solar Attack


While every media outlet reviews Watchmen to death (hint: it ruled), I wanted to introduce a new feature that I'll try to keep with: the weekly TV movie review. This week I happened to catch Solar Attack. 

This movie featured Iron Chef America's Mark Dacascos (the Chairman's nephew) and Louis Gossett Jr as the President. Truly this film was ahead of its time (2005). The general premise of this putrid, stale, rotting piece of disaster movie trash is that the Sun has just sent out a burst of plasma towards the Earth, it cuts off all satellite communications by hurling the satellites like meteorites into the general populace. 

Holy shit. That rules right? The badassness doesn't end there. Turns out the plasma is going to light the air on fire. "Holy fuckin shit, did you say the air is gonna light on fire?" Yes. The fucking air lights on fire. Sadly the whole move goes south from there, turns out they want to prevent the fucking air from lighting on fucking fire. Buzzzzzzzkill. In a hugely convoluted set up, it's up to billionaire scientist and Iron Chef Chairman's nephew Luke something or another to convince ground breaking black president to nuke the world and extinguish the atmosphere. Without ruining anything, because the plot is so retarded to begin with that nothing will ruin it, he winds up on a Russian submarine in a torpedo shoot out with an American submarine, and hacking into the underwater telephone cables below the subs crush depth.

I know what you're thinking: "Holy fuckin shit, that fuckin sounds so fuckin awesome. It just blew my fuckin mind" and you'd be right, your fuckin mind has been blown by the thought of that. Until you see it. There will be disbelief, but little suspension of it. I'm pretty sure I've seen better graphics from the downloadable lego model builder (which is wicked sweet by the way). Featuring radar screens that they call sonar, under water radios so subs can talk to each other, and many many lame plot points and attempts at dialogue, its well worth seeing. Did I mention the fuckin air ignites? How about satellites slaughtering people? That's what I thought. 

I highly recommend seeing it when your options are Solar Attack, Clear and Present Danger for the 7th time in 2 months, and 1000 Ways to Die.

Unfortunately, the trailer is no where to be found that will let me embed it, so here is the link, and trust me, it captures the true escense of this fill in its full shittastic glory.