Why the NFL is #1 (hint: it's nationalism)

This post is, in part, a response to Bill Simmons' "Soccer is so much cooler than anything else and I am cooler for liking it" column up on ESPN. I have no problem with soccer or those who love it, but Simmons comes off as pretentious and, shall we say, late to the party (soccer has gone from chic to trite in terms of fringe sports to love).

But it did get me thinking: we (Americans) fucking love football. Way more than baseball, hoops, or especially hockey. And it's because of one reason.

Nationalism.

That and violence. But mostly nationalism.

Internationalization -- that is, the ever-growing presence of players not from the States -- seemingly grows in sports every year. The numbers may not back it up (which I cannot find, dammit), but it seems as though there are more and more international stars in the NBA, NHL, and MLB. If there's not more, I guarantee it's not going down.

Think about baseball. Pujols, Ortiz, Ramirez (both Hanley and Manuel), Rodriguez, and Ichiro are some of the biggest, most famous stars in the sport. And not one of them is American.

Or the NBA. Still firmly entrenched with American superstars, there is still a host of successful and famous international stars from far away lands. Dirk, Manu, Parker, Duncan (kind of), Nash, Gasol, Hedo (sort of), and at least 1-2 role players per team.

I don't follow the NHL, but they've got a ton of Europeans and Canadians. One of the sports two best players is Russian.

But oh the NFL. I challenge you to name a single player of any repute from another country. The way the NFL is structured -- U.S. college star or nothing -- effectively kills any chance a poor kid from, say, Spain, can even have a chance at breaking into the sport.

Does the NFL even have a single Asian player?


Well-off American athletes go to college, play football, get drafted, get rich and get famous. Football is so painfully American -- expensive/difficult (in terms of organization) to play, necessary to attend college to turn pro, a good number of white people playing -- it's priced out international talent.

And we wouldn't have it any other way.

The draft/farm system of other sports is much more conducive to grooming oversea talent. The MLB -- with their wild west, "sign you out of Cuba when you're 14" system. The NBA -- where international leagues are gaining more and more cred (see Rubio, Ricky). And the NHL -- where kids are born stick in hand, skates on feet, any cold climate will do.

But the NFL? "Oh, you didn't play for Florida/USC/*other enormous NFL feeder system*? No thanks." Hell, American players who can ball, but are from tiny schools, are often overlooked. Forget about being from another country.

Secretly, or honestly, a lot of American sports fans probably don't like international players. And it's not too hard to explain. It's easier for me to relate to oh, Tom Brady, than it is for me to relate to Yao Ming.

He doesn't speak English well. He looks funny. He's not like me.

Is that an ignorant, wrong, foolish, outdated point of view? Yes, yes, yes, yes. But it's true.

That's why the NFL is number one. If you're a white kid from Wisconsin, you've got your Bret Favre. The South? Eli or Peyton. Maybe you relate to T.O. or LDT. Or Brees, Palmer, Ochocinco, McNabb, Moss, Roethlisberger, Polamalu, Fitzgerald, Peterson, or every fucking star in the league.

Whoever it is they share one thing: they're American. And that's why we love football the most. It's one of the few vaults those scary foreigners haven't broken into yet.

Why athletes are super-human: exhibit 27367 B

Yeah, nothing else to say really.

The Super Bowl drinking game

Instead of writing a list of the Super Bowl stories you're already sick of, how about something much more productive/almost as effective at brain cell killing?

The Super Bowl drinking game!

Take a sip of your beer if the following happens:

• The announcers refer to how bad the Cardinals were/are. This includes mentions of St. Louis, Phoenix, Jake Plummer, Emmit Smith, how bad the NFC West was this season, the Cards' record.
• Anyone talks about Kurt Warner's love of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
• Ben Roethlisberger is referred to by first name alone.
• "Best receiver in the NFL" is thrown around regarding Larry Fitzgerald.
• There is talk of how many Steeler fans came out.
• Tampa is referred to as an ideal Super Bowl site before the game.
  
• Hines Ward is called "tough" or a "gamer" or anything other bullshit phrase like that.
• Any sideline shot of a sulky Anquan Boldin.
• You hear "Steel Curtain" or anything that implies the Steelers are the best football franchise ever.
  

Chug for a few seconds if the following happens:

• An announcer screams when Fitzgerald makes a leaping grab down field.
• Edge James rushes for more than three yards on any given play.
• Shots of Mrs. Warner.
• Any defensive player other than Dansby, Rodgers-Cromartie or Dockett make a significant play on defense for the Cards.
• Roethlisberger throws a ridiculously dumb pass off his back foot with four defenders in his face for a completion. Double that time if it's a TD.
  
• An announcer explodes with joy as a Steeler "jacks up" a Cardinal (note: the words "jacked up" do not need to be spoken, they are most often implied).

Break out the hard stuff for a shot if:

• There is talk about how the Cards/Steelers played as one team once like two hundred years ago.
• A Cardinals defender wins MVP.
• A Steelers offensive player other than Ben wins MVP.
• There is a special teams touchdown.
• The halftime show is actually watchable.
• The game is not over by halftime.

Steelers 31, Cardinals 14